To the person who’s taking away my bestfriend from me,
Let’s get one thing straight. I don’t like you. I don’t know why but I just do. Sigh. Since you came into the picture I haven’t got any time with my bestfriend. It has always been you this and you that. I..urgh. I know I don’t have the right and I’m not in the position to say this things but…I don’t like you for her. And I’m not sorry. :)
From the person who has always been alone and who loves her bestfriend so much, me.
Some people choose to be alone and try to make themselves happy instead of having someone to do it for them because they’re scared of goodbyes, pain and having their hearts broken, but you can never blame them for that because they’ve been through a lot and maybe that’s why this time, they think they’re better being alone instead of being stuck with someone who might just leave them in the end.
This is me.
I tried to live without you
but tears fell from my eyes
I’m lost and I feel empty
hey I’m torn apart inside.
“I have tried to show people that I love them, but every time I do so it’s never enough and they leave. They say everyone’s different but why do I feel like they all do one thing, and that is to leave me?”
“People don’t leave you. You leave them. You leave them clueless and hanging.”
"Wait—do I really? Maybe you’re right. Maybe I do. You know D, that’s how messed up I am."
We believe we are safe. Well, that’s a big fantasy.
He told me to always be careful when crossing streets. He told me to always keep a pen inside my pocket whenever I’m alone at night. He told me to always hold my phone whenever I ride public transportation. He told me to always take the short way home. She told me to always take care.
As day is to a sword, night is to a shield. Do expect the unexpected. I never learn. Those people had told me many things but it seems that I never listen. Wait. I do listen. It’s just that…well, this car was in high speed and I was kinda spaced out—so yeah okay. It’s like year 2009 all over again. I definitely won’t mention this to my dad. He’ll explode. Huh.
I’m still alive. I’m still breathing. I should be thanking Him because I am…but I don’t feel like doing so.Wait—that’s not right. I should be. Maybe He has other plans for me that I have for myself. Who knows.
Pessimistic Girl’s POV
I’m careless. I’m stubborn. I am capable of hurting the ones I love. I always give the people around me to hate me. I always give them the reason to loathe my existence. I always ignore people to be ignored back. I always mess things up. I am a despicable human being.
Optimistic Boy’s POV
You’re not carless or stubborn. And sometimes it doesn’t matter if you hurt people. Loves comes with the thought of being hurt. Yes. You always give the people around you hate you but you also give them the reason to be curious why and care for you more. Yes. Sometimes you tend to ignore people around you and they ignore you back but trust me, their minds are full of questions that come along with care and love. You don’t ‘always’ mess things up. Sometimes, life needs a little mess up to have a little twist and fun. And lastly, sweetie, you’re not a despicable human being. You just think you are. You are a beautiful woman with silly thoughts. You’re just being you and you’re just overthinking those negative thoughts because you think different. Don’t pressure yourself. Just go on with life. Love. Laugh. Live.
Your life is already complicated so I’m gonna hella shut up and don’t care now. I don’t know things and I’m gonna make it stay like that. I’m not gonna ask. I’m gonna mind my own business and life. I’m gonna stop. If you want, I’ll also leave so I won’t cause any further damage.
There’s always a plot twist to everything. Some things can go the right way like you planned to. Some things can go the wrong way like everything’s just messed up.
I am the Memo Clarkson of this story and I’m adding a twist to end it, now. I’m closing this little story I wrote because; maybe I chose the wrong characters. I know I could probably make things a whole lot better but still, I’m afraid that if I continue this, things might get worse.
Some things can make you feel happy and stupid at the same time. Sigh.
Before I start anything, I’d like to tell the person reading this, this: Hey! This is not for you so please stop reading. Get the hell out of this page. Kidding. Haha. I wrote this while class was ongoing. Don’t try this at school. Okay? Haha. I’m such a bad influence.
Hey you. I haven’t written you any letters lately. I had writer’s block last month. So…I know I know. It’s not that I have no time to do so, but I just don’t feel like doing so. Haha. I’ve written something that’s pretty long while class was on going and well, here it goes.
Ehem. Haha. Few days ago, I posted something about me being anxious. “I don’t know how to compose the right and exact words just to explain what I’m feeling right now. Uhm, how do I say this? I’ve been thinking about a lot of things these past few days actually. I’m anxious. Do you know the feeling when a part of you is demanding for freedom? A part of you wants to break free and stand out? You know what it is but you don’t want to admit it. I deny it. I ignore it. But I think it’s time that I’d be honest with myself because the more I try to hide it away, the more I store it and keep it locked, the more it grows and blazes with intensity. I’ve got to stop lying about my true feelings.”
And I guess this is the ‘I’ve-got-to-stop-lying-about-my-true-feelings’ thing. Honestly, I’m getting tired of this, the whole ‘I’ll-be-happy-for-a-few-days-and-miserable-for-years’ and ‘I’m-writing-you-letters-because-I-want-to-tell-you-the-things-I-left-unsaid’. Really I am. It sucks.
What to say, what to say…?
Oh, remember the times when you shared personal things to me? Those things would always be remembered. Remember the times when you make me smile and burst out into tears? Those times would always be remembered. Remember when you and I met? I would always remember you.
Five months ago, I posted something that goes like this, “Did you know that I have a blog about you? A blog full of stories about you. A blog which contains all the unsent letters I’ve been wanting to give you. The sweet talks we had for the past years. All the things I think I’ve misinterpret for a long time. A blog which contains the things I wanted to happen, and the things I left unsaid. I hope you get a chance to read it. Someday…when my feelings are…gone? Just wait my dear. That time will come.”
It’s funny because it’s like I’m eating my words while I’m writing this. I don’t know. I once told myself that I’d be writing you letters because I realized things, like instead of keeping things to myself, why not write letters like what other bloggers do. I remember when wrote my very first letter which says that I just want to tell you the things I left unsaid and that I’m glad I met you. Besides, I’m not the kind of girl who’s cheesy, expressive or something like that. But do expect me to be those kinds of things when I start to write. *winks* Really, I’m not cheesy. Haha.
Okay. I have said ‘remember’ many times now. Well, I will remember everything. I hope so.
“If he has half a brain, he’d know not to let you get away.” She said. Well, he’s not really that intelligent. What? Haha.
I have so much to tell you but I lack the words. Thank you. I had fun writing this little story of mine. I had fun writing all those silly and shitty letters even though I felt stupid. I blogged about someone whom I secretly like that didn’t even gave any shit about me. Just now, I realized, I was writing my own suicidal note. I’m on a state where I believe that love will never last forever so…whatever. I’m gonna stop writing letters.
I was so stupid enough to think it was love where in fact it wasn’t. If it was love, I would’ve done something to save it all. But I didn’t. I guess I just liked you too much that I thought I was in love. So yeah.
I started this without you knowing it. I’m ending it where it started. This has been a sad beautiful and tragic story and I’d like to thank you for being a part of it.
…and she finally stopped blogging about him.
Sticking my tongue out for the last time I guess,
I always give the people around me reasons to hate me because I want them to. I want them to be angry with me. I want them to loathe me. But at the same time, I don’t want them to leave. I don’t want them to forget about me. I know it’s weird but I have my reasons. Am I being selfish?
Please stop probing. I’m telling you, the more you probe the more I get defensive. I don’t like the feeling of being questioned or threatened or tested. Heck I don’t even like it when someone corners me and start blabbing about things. Asking the question ‘why’ is like making me ‘explain’ my feelings. You’re like asking an unswerable question. I don’t know the answer. I don’t have the answer. And I won’t have an answer.
I looked at the little golden christmas tree inside my room. It’s beautiful. And it also feels like it’s already christmas.
I remember when I and mom always decorate our house garden with lights, Christmas trees and much more; when dad organizes a special meal, often consisting of steak and a lot of other festive foods for family or friends and exchange gifts with them; when I and my cousins receive a lot of gifts from our parents and other relatives and the mythical figure Santa Claus wherein we traditionally hang our socks in the living room, near the tree.
I miss those times. I miss how I kiss my parents at christmas eve and them telling me to have a good night sleep so Santa would give me many gifts when I wake up. I miss my mom and dad. I sure wish this christmas would be different because honestly, all i want for christmas is to have them by my side; to celebrate it with my family.